Mr & Mrs

Unlike some, I’ve never been the kind of girl to dream about getting married.

I didn’t fashion wedding dresses for my Barbie dolls from white toilet paper. I would roll my eyes whenever Cinderella et al. found their prince. Tiffany was the name of a badly-permed singer. What’s more, the only part of a wedding ever to appeal came with three tiers and copious amounts of sugar icing.

As an adult – a term used somewhat jocosely here – I am not quite Carrie Bradshaw.

I haven’t yet broken into an angry bushfire of hives whilst trying on wedding frocks or chiffon-based anaphylactic shock - but, who am I kidding, that’s because I’ve not so much as ventured within a ten-mile radius of a bridal shop since becoming engaged. That makes me worse than Ms. Bradshaw, huh?

So, what’s the problem?

I would love to sing from the rooftops of this blog about cake toppers and garters, but the circus of a wedding – and the attention it will bring – is daunting. I blame the parents. When they divorced, it threw a grenade into the centre of our family, leaving behind shrapnel pieces of cynicism for this ‘happy ever after’ stuff.

Like the lyrics to this song, when it comes to Napoleon: ‘I’m his girl’. For nearly ten years, he’s been my boy.

We will marry – perhaps the two of us, in jeans – and I’ll figure this out. Until then, it would be good to hear your experiences of the transition between girlfriend, next diamond-clad fiancée, to wife. Or simply your thoughts on this newly-signed Brooklyn band, Friends.

So hipster it hurts, aren’t they?

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11 Comments

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11 responses to “Mr & Mrs

  1. findingpaola

    Ha. This entry made me smile. I’m not engaged or married, but I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years now, we met in college. I’m not a big wedding person either, but I always picture incorporating all the things I love! And I want people to be happy and have the time of their lives. Maybe there will be bubbles and hula hoops. There will be limbo or some weird dancing competition. I have not thought of dresses though…

  2. Well, speaking as someone who’s only been married for 10 months, I can definitely understand where you’re coming from. We did not want a big wedding for a ton of reasons (chief amongst them was that we don’t have $20,000 to throw down on some massive shindig). We just had a simple ceremony at the local courthouse (I did have a dress but it was really simple) and then dinner with our families. It was really nice, and non-stressful.

    To be honest, the transition has been kind of hard for me. Not in the “I can’t believe I married this guy” kind of a way. Just wrapping my brain around the fact that I’m someone’s wife is really weird. I changed my last name (from Kelson to Hanson) and in a weird way, I feel like I’ve changed. I’m just as full of feminist ideals as I ever was, but. . . well, I don’t know. I just feel different. More adult, maybe? In a way, I feel more like everyone else around me. I used to feel like this big island, while everyone else was complaining about their husbands I was thinking “I’ll never have to deal with that when I get married.” To now, when I’m still slightly different from the women around me, but being married to someone gives us this common bond.

    I’m probably doing a horrible job describing it, but that’s because it’s hard to describe, haha.

  3. I, too, never dreamed about my wedding day growing up, and had a pretty cynical view on love and marriage. My transitions from single girl to girlfriend to fiancee to wife were awkward and rough. But in the midst of it, I was excited to be with my friend/boyfriend/fiance, and looking forward to having him as my husband. I can honestly say that my wedding day was the best day of my life — because it was mine, I was completely involved in all of the planning, and the people I cared about most were there celebrating our lifelong commitment. We made our wedding uniquely ours – from the table numbers to the cake to the centerpieces – all of it was personalized and not something you could throw into just any wedding. It can be intimidating and downright awful at times planning for a wedding, but you can make it your own and truly enjoy it in the end. I had no wedding or true love experience, and I think that helped me forge my own path with my now-husband.

    My blog has some entries on the process throughout it. Good luck with everything :)

  4. soluckygirl

    I totally share your sentiment on marriage and the whole preparation frenzy that comes with it. I did go through the same motions about 2 years ago when we got engaged. My now husband, then fiance and boyfriend of 6 years, actually insisted on having a formal wedding, while all I wanted is to don a short dress and get married outside in the field somewhere. At the end we did end up having a destination wedding with close family and friends and it turned out to be a perfect mix of both us: a bit formal yet relaxed, somewhat like a big house party in festive attire. We have heard from all of our guests that it has been the best wedding they have been to by far. I too feel my casual approach to matrimony has been influenced by my parents divorce, but at the end of the day it is a celebration of the two of you. Good luck with everything, and most importantly stay true to yourself and have fun with it, I guarantee it will be fabulous.
    Cheers!

  5. Al

    Ohhh I really liked this post because I am very opinionated on the matter… The problem is that I changed (and change) opinion all the time :D

    But I think that overall, our approaches look really alike;

    As a kid, I just didn’t care: marriage for me was just the ending scene of every Disney cartoon and the way through which I thought I was born. Period.

    As a teen, I was that kind of dark-ish/depressed/all Smashing Pumpkins and very dark drawings kinda girl so marriage was really the last of my thoughts.

    After a couple of years together with my actual boyfriend I started to think that it was not a bad idea but still my main opinion was “who actually needs marriage?? I’m not even religious!”.

    Now that I’ve been together with him for almost ten years, and I see that my love is constantly growing (crazy, I still can’t explain myself how this is possible) and OMG I’m 27 (and a half) I’m seriously starting to think about it. So seriously that I even thought, for the first time in my life, how I’d like it to be.

    And it would be:

    Dress – I love fashion and I don’t give a damn of the classic wedding dress… So, for once in my life, I’d love to finally buy me a beautiful designer dress. Something like Alberta Ferretti, or Valentino, or Fendi… ahhh THAT would be a dream.

    Party – Close friends and very close family for a total of like 50 people maximum. The garden of a castle in the countryside in my home town in Tuscany (we’re full of Medici castles over there :D). Table with food, nobody has to seat to eat but it will be a standing dinner. Little colored lights on the trees and one of the bands of my friends playing my favorite rock ballads and blues music. Lots of wine, laughs, calm.

    Now I only need to convince my boyfriend to marry me :D

    Would you like something like this? Don’t forget to tell us what you decide for your wedding, I’m so curious now!

    Anyway, congratulations and I really wish you tons and tons of love. I’m happy for you, because you sound genuinely happy (and so in love ;-) )

    Al

    -The Red Dot-

  6. Having been the product of split parents (who shacked up for 5 years but never married), I know how it shapes you. I think it oddly had the opposite effect on me – made me crave a committed relationship more. Once I found the right Mr. (and I went through some real bad apples to get there), I put him on lockdown. My mother, who is still happily unmarried and in a solid relationship, asked, are you sure about marriage? And I was 100% sure. I think you know what is right for you deep down and need to just go with that at the end of the day.

  7. Make the day exactly as you want it to be, and do not worry about things being out of place, or the demands and wishes of others. The memories will always be about the relationship and the moments you shared together, I am sure.

    http://www.styleonthecouch.com

  8. You will remember little moments…the poem you chose to be read at the ceremony…or the silly things your dad and sister say while driving you to the ceremony…or watching your dad dancing with his mom at the reception…
    You won’t remember how the cake tasted or what the flower arrangements looked like. :)

  9. I loathed my wedding day, I hate being the centre of attention, it was all just something to get through but congrats to you!

  10. Thanks for sharing the video – very cool.

    Like you, I never dreamed of my wedding when I was a young girl. My parents divorced when I was 18, and while I know that contributes to my feelings on marriage, I wasn’t that girl even before then… It seems as if some people have the whole picture figured out with just a blank spot where the groom’s face should be, and once they can fit someone in that’s it!

    My beau & I have been together for 4 years now and while we’ve talked about getting married, we’re happy as we are. I don’t want to go broke on a wedding. I don’t subscribe to the consumerist wedding culture that is so prevalent in this country, and elsewhere around the world – have you seen what the “travelers” do in Ireland?! For part of my college career I lived with 4 other girls and we’ve remained very close over the years. Two are married, one is engaged (and might I add has a mild case of the Bridezillas), and of course the question always comes up for us remaining two… “who’s next?” The other girl is also in a long-term relationship and in no rush to make that choice. The two of us always laugh about it.

    If and when the time comes, I’d like to have a wonderful party with our family and closest friends. Of course, a pretty dress but I don’t think I’d wear a “wedding dress” exactly. Good drinks, good music, and of course some good eats!

    It seems you are enjoying taking your time to be yourself :-)

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